• By Superadministrator
  • 1 year ago
  • student

We have come alone. We feel things alone. We will die alone.

Uh oh, that’s a depressing start.
Why such a negative approach towards anything? Like literally!?
A few days ago, I was studying for my exams. I had my exams in person this time. I did have a choice to appear for them online, but this time I did not want to “play” with myself.
Online exams have been a new experience for all of us, and they have been a dream come true for many, including me. I have appeared for them twice, and I must say, they were one of the coolest things that could ever have happened.
While appearing for them online - the day before the exam and during the exam feels good. The satisfaction you get after you see the question paper and realize that even the solution to the hardest question is at your fingertips. It makes you feel on top of the world, but then what?
After you submit the paper, there is no fun in discussing it or no fun in realizing that your instincts were right for an MCQ and no zeal to know how the paper went for any other student.
You were busy making yourself feel better, that you did not realize your surroundings. There is no happiness to look forward to after the end of examination because what you felt was the same old dread of knowing you do not know anything.
Heart is the best indicator of one’s life. I mean for me; it has been the best.
People often say, that whenever there is a fight between the heart and the mind, the mind always wins. I have no say in that regard.
For me it has always been the heart. Initially when I wasn’t a Heartfulness practitioner, I like everybody else, felt my mind to be superior. Recently after meditating, maturing over the years, I know that heart is everything for me.
Fun fact: For those of you who know my name, it means ‘heart’. :)
Being a sensitive human all my life, any wrongdoings,  made me feel extremely guilty. I would have a very heavy heart. I might not have understood at that time what my feelings meant then and there, but I did not feel good. I remember sitting down and talking to myself about what was bothering me. I would keep finding  countless number of reasons to justify  what I did as right.
It was wrong. I knew it. I could not face it.
Growing up, I started keeping a few things to myself. And then when it became too much for me to handle, I realized that it was high time I had to face myself.
Why did I have to be satisfied with the result I got? Why did I have to let several things go? Was it because I did not like them, or was I just too lazy to do them?
I stopped making myself feel heavy and disturbed.
I accepted my mistakes, I embraced my flaws.
And now, I have the story to complete that I started off in the beginning.
So, this time, the exams that I had, I purposefully chose to appear for them in person because I wanted to feel happiness again. I wanted the zealous attitude and not the guilt or lack__  I wanted to face things, wanted  looking forward to things. After all it it was  an examination!
I will not finish here. Going back to the first sentence I typed – On feeling alone…
Yes, if I wish, I could have appeared for my exams online, achieved a great score, and be happy from the outside. I would have heard a few people praising me. But would that have made me happy?
When I took this small step of being true to myself, I wanted someone to appreciate me, not because I wanted to know that I am good, but I wanted to know that what I did was right, and I should follow my heart. Appreciation is what keeps one going. It is what will make a person to always be a better version of oneself. However, no one said anything to me, because it was not a big deal for anyone. That was the time I realized, when you do something honestly, people may not always be there to pat your back. You will have to do it yourself. You will have to let yourself know that you did a great job!
Love yourself. Appreciate yourself. Step by step.
You and your heart are the lock and key to every door of your life.

By: Jiya Kalwani, XI C